Tuesday, 26 June 2018

LADIES: Don’t agree to be his girlfriend before knowing these signs

Yea! He approaches you, compliment your beauty, says he likes you and wants to start off something with you, fortunately for him, you return the feeling…

Have you taken out time to know who this guy is? Have you carefully observed him to know if you guys are compatible? Agreeing to date him because he is cute, rich, smart, has a good sense of humor or he has an amazing fashion sense isn’t going to determine how beautiful your relationship will be. Well… all relationships might not end up in marriage but you could cherish those beautiful memories you had with him. If you rush into dating the man that turns your head 360 degrees without taking the time to observe him, you could be getting yourself into a trap; you deserve better. Ensure that these warning signs aren’t present before agreeing to be involved in a romantic relationship with him.

He has serious anger issues

Watch how he reacts to things and situations. Does he get pissed off easily? Have you seen him angry to the point that it scared you? A man that doesn’t know how to control his temper when faced with situations or when his anger is influenced by external factors will one day lash out at you. At the initial stage of your dating, he may try to hide the fact that he has an ill-temper issue just to please you but on a long run, there is a high possibility that you could suffer physical and psychological abuse from him. I am sure you wouldn’t want to leave that relationship with a broken arm, or disfigured face. So you have the chance now to run for your life once you can spot that part of him. Please, dearie! Don't say you can change him, NO! You absolutely can’t. The change has to come from him and not you. He may one day slap you and apologize romantically calling it a big mistake, my dear that’s how it starts, from one slap to two, then blow... Do not be deceived, open your eyes widely!

He has a girlfriend

Has he approached you for a relationship even when you know he has a girlfriend? My dear, don't even think of it. Do not let the sweet deceptive words that come out from his mouth becloud your sense of judgment. He may tell you how trapped he is in his relationship and how his girlfriend has suddenly developed character and behavioral issues, and then showers praises and compliments on you. If you were that special, why is he still with her? Don't you think that he will say the same bad things about you to another lady once you both are in a relationship? If he lied to you about being single and you find out, leave the jerk because you deserve someone better.  

He doesn’t want to be seen with you in public

Are you dating a guy who would rather not be seen with you in public? He hasn’t at least introduced you to his friends and he doesn’t want to meet yours. He doesn’t take you along to events. He privately flirts with you but when you are outside, he acts like he doesn’t know you. This is another warning sign you should look out for. He may naturally be a shy and reserved person but if he always has a problem with people noticing you together; he refuses you to post your pictures and tag him on social media, then he is either hiding something or is simply being a jerk

You have caught him lying several times

If during your hangouts with him, he has lied to you severally, it is a bad sign. There is no guarantee that he will become more truthful to you if you start dating. What is the need for a relationship without trust? 

He is mean and arrogant to other people

Do you notice that he is mean and arrogant to others? - The waiters, cashiers, friends, family, or strangers. If you do, then it is a red flag. He could be all kind and sweet to you but the moment he gets comfortable with you, then you will continuously get several doses of his rude and disrespectful behaviors. Don’t go about lecturing him on how to treat people, instead save that strength and time for a better person. 

You have been warned about him from several people

When it comes to the matters of the heart, it is good to listen to what your heart says. Personally, I like giving people the benefit of the doubt until they show their real self. If it is just a person that speaks ill about the guy you want to date, you may choose to ignore but when you have been warned by several people/friends about him then you will need to ‘tread with caution’. Ensure to find out what these people are saying before it gets late. There could be an element of truth in their warnings. Sometimes, you can get emotionally entangled in your relationship that you may not see the red flags.

He has told you that he is not ready to commit

Photo credit: Getty Images

Has he told you before dating you that he doesn’t want commitment? Don’t take that for granted because he actually meant it. He may not yet be over his ex, or he is just not ready for a serious relationship. If you still agree to be with him despite the warning with the thoughts that he will later take you seriously and become committed, then you will only become frustrated and stressed in the relationship. Honey! You deserve better.

He has tried making you do what you are not comfortable with

No one should force you to do things against your will. Whether it’s a small favor or not, you shouldn’t be forced into doing what you are not comfortable with.
Rather than pressuring you, he should respect, understand and support your decisions. If he doesn't care about your feelings and decisions, but his own selfish desires then you should have no business with him.

He has no focus

This is another important factor to look out for before agreeing to be in a relationship with him if you are in for a serious relationship.  You should ensure that he is purposeful. Find out his short-term and long-term goals and how you fit in. You shouldn’t be with someone who has no drive for success or realistic plans for the future.

Your lifestyle differences

Agreeing to date him regardless of your lifestyle differences solely depends on you. What may not work for some other lady may be appealing to you. He may come from the South-West region while you are from the South-East region; he could be a Muslim while you are Christian, he may be an introvert while you are an extrovert; if you are not comfortable with these differences, then there is no point in wasting your time and energy dating him.

Talking about sex on first dates

If each time you hang out or talk, your date keeps talking about sexual fantasies and anticipates having sex with you- this is can be another red flag. He is opened to taking advantage if the opportunity presents itself. That guy may only see you as a ‘spot-fish’ that he wishes to eat and leave the remains. If you are in for a serious relationship then you should look the other way.

He is too good to be true

During dating, everyone wants to be at their best to impress the other person. If he keeps blowing your mind and appearing as your dream man, rather than being carried away, observe him carefully. He could actually be a real gentleman or a fraudster who wants to impress you in order to get what he wants.
All of these signs may not be applicable to one person but if you happen to notice any of these signs in your date, then you should save yourself the stress, energy and time and go for someone who deserves you. Unless you are out to have fun, if you are looking for a serious relationship then you should take these signs into considerations.
Can you relate to this article? Let's know in the comment box below!

Monday, 30 April 2018

How to Discover your True Self- 6 Steps

Do you accept that you have lost touch with your true self? It is only when you identify that something is wrong that you will find a solution to it. Are you ready to discover your true self?  Are you ready to confront your fears? Are you ready to take control of your life?
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ― Aristotle
You may be wondering where to begin as the journey to self-discovery may seem challenging and difficult. It is a process that involves knowing our true selves and shading layers that don’t reflect who we are. It also involves building and shaping ourselves into better persons and fulfilling our life purpose.

In this article, you will get to know how to come out of your shell and get back on track with your life.

Here are 6 steps to discovering your true self.

Awaken Yourself

Take some time away from conversations, media, and the noise of your regular life to enable you reflect on yourself.
When meditating, ask yourself certain questions that can help in discovering and defining your true self. Try to discover who you are and your core values- how are they important to you? And why are they important?
What are your strengths and weaknesses and how can you develop your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. What have you set to achieve on a short and long term basis, how do you intend to achieve your goals?  These questions among others will give you an insight regarding the direction you want to take in life.
“Meditation is a journey to know yourself. Knowing yourself has many layers. Start knowing your bodily discomforts. Know your success, know your failures. Know your fears. Know your irritations. Know your pleasures, joy and happiness. Know your mental wounds. Go deeper and examine every feeling you have.” ― Amit RayMeditation: Insights and Inspirations

Examine your Past

The best way to escape from the past is not to avoid or forget it, but to accept and forgive it.”

Our past gives us an experience to determine our future decisions.
Do you blame yourself for your current situation? Whatever mistake you have committed or setback you have encountered in your past, you have to accept it, forgive yourself, and set your mind towards a better future.
“The moment you can visualize being free from the things that hold you back you have indeed begun to set yourself free.” -- Anonymous.

Follow your Passion

“Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music”. -- Mac Anderson
Are you currently doing what you love? What are you passionate about? What kind of dreams did you have for your life before you lost yourself? Doing something you love reconnects you with yourself. Most times, we are usually occupied by what we have to do that we forget what we love to do. Make a commitment to reconnect with what you enjoy doing.

Believe in Yourself

What are your fears? Are you scared of being criticized by people especially those close to you?
“Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself”. --Sonya Paker
Deep down you alone know what’s best for you because you understand yourself better than anyone. Don’t give anyone the power to rule your life, take your life by your hands and rock your world.  So what are you waiting for? Get out of your comfort zone by doing something different from the usual. Conquer your fears by challenging yourself into taking daring steps to achieving your goals and you will be happy you did.
“To escape fear, you have to go through it, not around it”-- Richie Newton

Seek Help

Do you feel you cannot do it alone? Have you made several attempts to get back on track but failed? Then you should seek help. You are not alone in this as there people who have gone through this process and succeeded. There are also trained professionals who are always willing to offer assistance. You could ask for help from family, friend, mentor, religious head or counselor.

Evaluate Yourself

After going through this journey to discovering your true self, you will need to evaluate yourself. Every now and then, find time in your busy schedules to examine yourself, your goals, believes, and habits to know if you are still in check with yourself. Every process you took to discovering who you are, stick to it as the journey to self-discovery is a continuous process.
“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened”-- Shannon L. Alder.
Kindly share your comments below; let’s know the steps you took to discover yourself.


Sunday, 29 April 2018

Officially 25: Another Phase of Life

According to Paul Hudson - “25 is a special age. It’s an age when we stand on the cusp of a new chapter in our lives”.
Now I am officially 25 with so many thoughts racing through my head and reality staring wide at me. What lies ahead of me? How long will it take me to get financially stable and live the life that I have always dreamt of? How many more hurdles do I have to cross to reach my destination? Who will that Mr. Right be? The fear of the unknown grips me…
Growing up for me has been a blend of the good, the bad and the ugly experiences but being the very determined and goal oriented lady that I am, i never give up on any situation no matter how challenging it is, I always find a way to get back to the top. In fact, I love being challenged because it shapes me into a better person.
Each time I think of the fact that I am not getting any younger, I get scared; not because am growing older but because i am far behind in accomplishing my planned goals. I wish to live a comfortable life and to take good care of my parent and younger brother before getting married. I want my parent to enjoy the benefit of their investment in me. I want to also extend my blessing to the needy and helpless by empowering them. I want my future husband to be proud of the woman he plans spending the rest of his life with.
To err is human; I am not perfect, I have made mistakes in the past, some I regret and others I don’t. I strive to be a better person with each passing day and pray for the Lord’s direction in my actions and endeavors. 
I thank God for my life, for the lady  I have grown to be and the woman I am becoming also for the kind of parent He gave me as my care takers; who I am today is all thanks to them as they instilled morals and the fear of God in me. To my younger bro, Jude who always believes in me, I couldn’t ask for a better brother. I love you. To my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin, thank you; with you, I can always be myself without being judged. 
As for today, I am just going to celebrate my birthday on a low- key, then pray and hope for the best. My life henceforth, I leave to God to let his will be done. I am just going to go with the flow and have fun… 
Happy birthday to me! 
Like seriously! Am i the only one having these thoughts of what the future holds for me? Let’s know what the feeling is like for you at this phase in the comment box below.

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Losing Touch with your True Self: The Signs

Do you feel you have lost yourself and don’t know who you are anymore? 
Do you find yourself doing the bidding of others and relying on their judgments in your actions and decision makings? 
Do you feel as if you don’t exist anymore and only exist for others?

Well, at certain times in our lives, many of us may have gone through painful experiences- shock, trauma or loss that have caused us to lose touch with our true self; you may be currently experiencing such. I have also lost touch with my true self: I realized I could no longer recognize myself. I hated the fact that things did not go as planned for me and every effort I made to get back on my feet seemed abortive. I lost confidence in myself and my decisions. I thought the worst of every new situation I encountered. I felt frustrated like I was drowning and no one could see me. I pulled away from everyone that mattered to me in solitude. I just had to discover what happened to all that joy and exuberance I used to feel. I had to work towards aligning myself with my mind and environment.
"Losing touch with your true self means losing your identity, that is your original goals, dreams and passions" -- Susan Pielsticker
Here are signs you are losing touch with your true self.

  •  Anxiety

You may feel so lost in the maze of your mind that you lose touch with reality. Anxiety is an emotional state in which there is a feeling of uneasiness and fear. This feeling is usually experienced when an event seems threatening and cannot be predicted or controlled.
As the voice in the head gets going, it is prone to make a story out of an event, develop an attitude and opinion about it, and relive it in countless ways. This remembrance manifests as anger, complaints, and negativity. Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud suggested that anxiety results from internal, unconscious conflicts. The physical symptoms of anxiety reflect a chronic “readiness” to deal with some future threat. These symptoms might include fidgeting, sleeping problems, muscle tension, and headache. Higher levels of anxiety may produce such symptoms as rapid heartbeat, sweating, increased blood pressure, nausea, and dizziness.
You have got to discover what bothers you, confront your fears and be optimistic.
“The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, Immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead, it is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to near your rotten corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!” -- Shannon L. Alder

  •  You feel unhappy deep down

Feeling unhappy most times is an indication that something is not going down well within you. Are you feeling trapped or chocked up with your current situation- relationship, job, family, an aspect of your life or the people around you? 
You have to pay close attention to your emotions and feelings to discover the source of your unhappiness and make the necessary changes to become happy. 

  •  Seeking acceptance and approval from others

If you find yourself always seeking a ‘yes’, ‘go ahead’ from people then this is an indication that you are losing touch with yourself. It is as a result of lack of confidence and trust in your abilities and decisions. Why do you concentrate on the thoughts of others rather than what you think? Seeking opinion or approval from people is not a bad thing. However, you can’t always live your life or do things based on the acceptance and reassurance of people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion which may either be favorable to you or not, so you must learn to listen yourself, believe in yourself and trust your intuition.
“No one can actually determine how bad or good something can be except you”   -- Anonymous

  • Being around people you don't like 

Hanging around people you don’t like is a sign of losing your way to being your true self. You don’t have to be with people who you can’t connect with because there is no alignment in your views and expressions. Being with friends who share the same values with you makes you comfortable, happy and helps you express your true self.

  •   You judge others

Do you feel deprived of something and wish to deprive others of it also?
If you find yourself always judging others, it is a sign that you are out of alignment with your inner self. This can appear as a feeling of jealousy, intimidation or insecurity. It can indicate that you feel uncomfortable that others are attaining a certain height that you are yet to climb to or someone is being in the spotlight and you are nowhere to be found.
“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” -- Earl Nightingale   

  • You feel like a fraud

In putting up acts to please the society, family, and friends you lose touch with your true self.
Most times, we wear masks to hide our true selves from the world.
“You were born an original, don’t die a copy” -- John Mason

  •  Blaming others for your problems

Are you fond of blaming everyone for your misfortunes? If so, you will do yourself no good because casting stones on others prevents you from identifying and resolving your problems. Blaming others is used as a defense mechanism to cope with problems and feel better about ourselves.
“It’s time to care; it’s time to take responsibility; it’s time to lead; it’s time for a change; it’s time to be true to our greatest self; it’s time to stop blaming others.” -- Steve MaraboliUnapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience  
“Blame doesn't empower you. It keeps you stuck in a place you don't want to be because you don't want to make the temporary, but painful decision, to be responsible for the outcome of your own life's happiness.” -- Shannon L. Alder  
According to Eckhart Tolle, “When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world”.
I hope being aware of these signs will help you in your journey to discovering your true self.

What experiences have you had that made you lose touch with your true self?Tell us in the comments below!